When It’s Time to Break Up.

Stop waiting for a sign. You already have one, if not twenty.

I know that it is tough to leave someone. When it’s time to break up, I do not discount the pain associated with that decision, but I worry when we use God as an excuse for indecision. We’ve all heard those infamous phrases… I’m waiting for a sign… I’m praying on it… I’m waiting for God to reveal to me what I should do next. But I also know the feeling associated with those phrases, and they go something like this:

I know I shouldn’t be in this relationship but I don’t have the courage to go.  I don’t understand my value. I don’t trust God enough. I don’t want to start over and admit defeat. I know God isn’t in the midst of my relationship, but I want Him to make a way out.. So I’m going to pray on it because the fear of what comes next has consumed me.

Yet God Requires Action

God represents love, and love itself is an action. In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, love is described as …it suffers long, it’s kind, it does not envy, it does not behave rudely.  When our relationships no longer exhibit this type of love, we need to understand that this interaction no longer represents what God would have for us. Unfortunately, we read verse 7, and misconstrue the concept that love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” We start to wonder, what should we bear? What should we endure? Can we work through it?

Maybe. We can attempt anything but here’s what I really want you to know… Love carries the burdens of others and helps them to leave their troubles at the cross. Love allows us to believe that redemption through Christ is possible.  Love gives us a type of hope rooted in God’s mercy. Love endures the trials of this world so that we can walk in His grace. We need this type of love so that we can help ourselves and others work towards their soul salvation.

What Love is Not

Love is not, however, a reason to keep people in our lives on a personal and intimate level that aren’t interested in reciprocating the character of Christ.  Relationships can overcome many things, but they cannot overcome spiritual disunity.  If two people aren’t working towards the same spiritual goals, then it’s time to break up. Common life goals will become secondary to the breakdown that eventually commences.

On the other hand, if God is at the center of a relationship, those two people can overcome anything. What seems like challenges will eventually start to fade away because both parties are committed to trying. Two people walking with God understand perfection is not the goal, but God’s love is.  Their vulnerability, honesty, and intensity grow over time and not in an instant. They find ways to show each other that they care because they understand the importance of valuing themselves and those close to them. They aren’t codependent but they are partners.  They cherish the good and try to work through the bad.  They understand that growth must be individual and collective. It doesn’t work any other way.

Letting Go of the Dysfunction

Don’t confuse incompatibility with the need to work at a relationship. Be patient. Confirmation will always come in action. You will see who’s steering the shipping and if you’re moving in the same direction. It will then be clear as to whether you should stay or go.  What you do after that is your choice… just don’t blame God if you decide to hold onto the dysfunction.  He doesn’t deserve that, and honestly, neither do you.

Love’s an Action. Please leave your comments below.